How's Your Relationship?

In the June issue of Self Magazine there is a great article about red flags in a partnership. These are flags that would indicate whether there is trouble brewing and what to do to get things back on track.

I think there are some great ideas in the story, so I will give you my interpretation here:

Does he really need to know what you had for lunch and what happened at work today? The answer is a definite yes. When we don't take time to go over our day and let our partners into our more mundane life, we miss the opportunity to grow closer, and it makes it harder to talk about the more important things.

Is it okay to be really independent and enjoy separate interests (and like it that way)? This is more of a yes and no answer. It is okay to be independent and have separate interests. The problem is when you don't spend time doing things you enjoy together you lose out on a lot of fun, and end up disconnecting from each other. Date nights and time together are key to a happy relationship.

Is it okay to never fight? I've always said in my marriage that we occasionally just need to have a good fight! If you don't talk about the small things or the big things in a relationship and be willing to put yourself out there to work things out, there could be trouble ahead.

On the other hand, is it okay to resort to low lows in a fight? No, it is never okay to resort to low blows. These include name calling, threats, stomping around, or other forms of verbal or physical abuse.

Do you think your relationships would be so much better if only he or she was more .........(insert just about anything here)? This is a good question to bring up, and it is one of those things that I tell myself and others all the time. The only person you can change is you. However, you can be honest and live authentically for you, and sometimes people change because of the examples we set. I would suggest writing down all the things you are grateful for in your relationship and look at the whole person, not just the one thing that drives you crazy.

What if we aren't that affectionate with each other? Everyone has different needs for affection. Some people love to cuddle all the time and others are uncomfortable with cuddling. What is true is that if you want more affection try initiating it yourself. Start small. Do things like hold hands when you walk. Make sure you hug and kiss good bye in the morning. As your partner gets used to more affection you can slowly increase the amount of cuddling you do.

What if our sex life is just ....fine? There is a quote in the article that says "Life is filled with difficulty and challenges, sex can help repair wounds and bring you together." I love that. Sometimes we find ourselves wanting to fix everything first before we are willing to have sex. My suggestion is try having sex first and see if it might help fix other issues!

Take Care,

Marquita