Back to the Relationship Realm for a Moment

I know that I have been blogging more about change and my own personal stuff of late, but I think it is time to fess up!! I have been struggling a bit with my relationship. Now don't go screaming out the door or anything, my marriage is fine, but it has growing pains occasionally.

What's happening is this. My husband got laid off from his job about four months ago. Yeah, I know, it sucks! Now financially we are good. He is getting unemployment and has some other resources, and my business couldn't be better. The issues are closer to home than that. You see, I work at home. This is my place of employment. I am my own boss, and I love my job. But there is this guy who seems to think he lives here, and at this very moment is in the living room watching a basketball game.

Can you see the problem? I now see why my neighbor, when her husband retired last year, immediately went out and got a job! We have talked about this, and he has tried to make himself scarce as much as possible and stay out of the office while I am working. He has had to put up with a lot of playing golf, and going fishing, and other tough sacrifices, to stay out of my hair. The problem really is not my husband. It's me!

You see I want it both ways! I don't want him around while I am working. In fact I want him to be out there working himself. I know that he thinks he's doing me a favor when he spends the day golfing, but I don't see it that way. So here's the deal. I have to work on me. Yep, back to that old standard. It is all about me.

Here is one of the thoughts I need to work on:

• My security is threatened if he isn't working.


• Is this true? No, we are actually doing well. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.


• How do I react when I think this thought? I get resentful and want him to fix it, even though he is doing all he can to find work and to keep busy around here. This makes things tense and uncomfortable for both of us.


• Who would I be without this thought? I would maybe go watch my college basketball team play in the playoffs right next to him. I would enjoy having more time with him and be more willing to play more myself.


• Turnarounds: My security is not threatened by my husband not working. My security is threatened by my thoughts about him not working. I am secure within myself.

Okay, got a basketball game to watch!

Until next time,

Marquita