Walking Your Talk

Last week I asked you to think about the times in your life when you haven't stood up for yourself. This included times when you were the one who was pushing yourself down, and not living the way you wanted.

This week I want to talk more about what to do when you feel as if others are holding you back, pushing you down, or not allowing you to grow and change. So, what do you do then? Good question. I don't want you to think there is always an easy answer. Sometimes it takes time to get to the place where you are ready to change, and ready to risk the fallout of being authentic and true to yourself.

The first thing I want to ask this week is, are you ready to move forward? Are you at that point where you know that if you do not do this, that you are consciously choosing a jail sentence, a death sentence, a slow erosion of everything you stand for? Okay, I am being dramatic. What I know is the more sure you are that you are ready, the easier it is to move forward. So if where you are is still more comfortable than changing, stay there. Do nothing. Wait until you are ready, and then move ahead.

If you are ready to move ahead, here are a few suggestions on how to begin:

1. First spend some time thinking about what you want and becoming clear on your needs. For example, if you want to get an education or go to school and your partner or parents are not enthusiastic. Think about exactly what you want to do, explore ways of doing it, and explore the costs and financing available. When you know all you need to know, it is much easier to be clear with others.
2. Once you have clarity on what you want to do, ask yourself if you can move ahead with your plan without the help and support of others. In the example above, can you go to school without support from your parents or partner? If this is true then it is simple to move on to the next step. If it is not true, how can you make it true? Can you do something to get in a position to do this without help. If so, do it. Now you can move to the next step.
3. Present your plan to the interested parties. Ask your partner or parents to sit down with you and share your plan with them. Start with something like this, "I have decided to go to college. Here is my plan. (Detail where you are going, and what you are majoring in, and your plans to follow through and pay for it). I am excited to be doing this and will keep you posted on my progress." If they start finding reasons you can't go, or telling you you shouldn't, simply answer with, "I understand you feel that way. I am confident I can do this without your support." Whatever you do, don't get into an argument, or let them feel they have control over whether you follow through or not.
4. The final step is just doing it. Walk your talk. Act as if. Follow through with your plans and don't let them spoil it for you. If you find that they are constantly interfering and trying to stop you from moving forward, there is a simple way of letting them know that won't work anymore. Take a couple of deep breaths, look them in the eye, and say, "I plan on moving ahead with this. It is very important to me. I would like to have you as a supportive person in my life. I understand that may not be possible right now. So, I will simply do this without that support." And then do it.

We will keep working on this. It is not easy, but I know you can do it.

Take care,

Marquita