I Don't Know Where the Hell I'm Going and That's Okay!

I saw this picture and it reminded me of the "summer of my discontent." That was the summer about eighteen years ago where I was the closest I've ever come to wanting to give up. Believe me I am one stubborn woman and I have been through a lot, but I would hang on for dear life to outmoded ways, men, and bad habits, like they were a lifeline.

That summer my marriage was falling apart, my mother had died the January before, and I had no clue how I was going to make it. I had this vision of sitting on the porch of a mental institution somewhere, wearing a bathrobe, and doing absolutely nothing. Occasionally someone kind would stop by and bring me a cup of tea and that was the whole of my vision.

"Why am I bringing this up now," you ask? I am bringing it up because what I am describing above was Square One of the Change Cycle. The mantra for Square One, (according to Martha Beck in Finding Your Own North Star) is "I don't know what the hell is going on, and that's okay."

This last week or two, I have been visiting Square One again. It is a much mellower, less dramatic Square One, but it is Square One. This often happens when things change in our lives. It can be brought on by changes at work, national disasters, new relationships, and completion of goals. Anything that makes us question what we want and where we are going, can push us into Square One.

My visit this time is due to an amazing year! I became a Master Coach. I traveled a lot and had miraculous experiences. I began making a lot more money. I learned so much about myself that at this point I am wondering how much more to learn could there possibly be! What I forgot to do along the way was stop at a few crucial points and breathe and soak in my experiences. I just kept plunging into new territory and eventually found myself doing some work that I didn't love. I didn't hate it, but it did not resonate with me. My stubborn streak is still there and it took someone else deciding that it wasn't working for me, to make me willing to quit.

Again, I know you are probably wondering why I am telling you this! I am telling you this because this is the way life works. For all of us there are times when life happens, good or bad, up or down, and we find ourselves wondering where to go next. When you find yourself in Square One, there are some things you can do to help.

1. Be kind to yourself. Make sure you practice good self care. Don't forget to eat, sleep, and excercise.
2. Don't make huge changes or decisions if at all possible. Take baby steps. This is a time for slow easy moves.
3. Take time to be still and listen to your heart and body. They can tell you when you are ready to move ahead.
4. Seek support and guidance from friends and family. If you need more help than that, contact a Life Coach or Counselor.
5. Remember that you have survived, even thrived, through change before and will again.

I began listening to my own advice and can report that I am feeling much better about where I am. I am beginning to feel the excitement and creativity of Square Two. If you are wondering what that is about, I will write more next week.

Right now, I think I need a cup of tea!

Marquita