Happy New Year!

Ah, a new year, a new vista to look out into and wonder, what will I do this year? Will I write more? Will I play more? Will I love more? These are all good questions to ponder as this year fades into twilight and 2009 gets ready to be born.


I can take or leave the holidays, but there is something about a new year that reminds me of clean slates, missions accomplished, and lessons learned. One of my fellow Master Coaches Michele Woodward recently wrote an article suggesting that we write down twenty five things that we accomplished this year, and better yet that we write down twenty five things that we will accomplish in 2009. There is something magical about putting wishes and dreams into voice or the written word. They are much more likely to come true that way. You can probably tell that I am a dreamer, an optimist, a believer in the power of our energy and thoughts. This is a gift that my mother instilled in me from an early age.


My husband is a bit different. He lives more in the present. He looks for the obvious and believes what he can see. This morning at breakfast, I brought up the idea of coming up with a few things to accomplish in the next year. His response was, "I want to get a job." He has been laid off for a couple of months, so this is understandable. Being who I am, I said, "How about a job that you love, that pays well, and is close to home." My practical husband replied, "Those would all be great, but I think I will just start with a job."


So here is where the relationships skills come in. I said nothing. Yeah, can you believe it, nothing! I am a life coach to the core, and I was itching to jump in and work with him to change his thoughts and help him see that he really can go for the best, not just the average. But I didn't. Because I know that he is who he is, and he will get a job and he will be happy. My job as his wife is to support him and love him and encourage him to follow his dreams, not mine.


My hope is that I will do this more in 2009. What do you want to see in your life next year? Write it down, tell it to someone, or keep it tucked inside your heart. Best of all do what works for you.


Love,


Marquita

Juicy Stories I Have Written

I know that some of you may wonder where in the hell I have been the last month, and at times, I was wondering the same thing! Life for me is a series of learning and changing and growing. I keep challenging myself to learn and do, and to be willing to keep trying new things.

In the past I was more likely to want everything in my life to settle into a nice happy place with a loving partner and everyone would live happily ever after. I know you have heard that one before! But since I have become a Life Coach and began working on myself, and challenging my thoughts and beliefs, I seem to have opened up a huge well of creativity that continues to want to create more.

In the month of November I did something that I had never considered before. I joined the ranks of writers who take part every year at this time in the National Novel Writing Month. The idea was to write a 50,000 word novel in thirty days. I had been wanting to write more, and thought what's the worst that could happen, and so I dived in.

I hadn't thought much about writing a novel before I started on November 1st. Most of my writing has been non-fiction, either self-help or biography. When I began writing, my thoughts of course went to relationships and self-esteem. So, I began writing a trashy, adventure, romance novel. I must tell you that I enjoyed this immensely!! This type of writing allowed me to get in the heads of my characters and try to figure out what they would say or do next. I completed the 50,000 words at about 4pm on November 30th, and have been recovering ever since.

This is what I learned from this experience:

• If I decide to do something, anything is possible.
• That challenging myself to stretch further in relationships and creativity helps build my self esteem.
• That writing sexually charged dialogue and scenes can be good for a marriage!
• That I love to write in any form, and that more of these types of challenges are in my future.
• That challenging you the reader to stretch yourself, feels like the right thing to do at this moment.

What are you not doing that you wish you could? Do you have a dream or idea that you are putting off doing?

My challenge to you is find a way to take that first step today!! You will not regret it!

Marquita

Honoring You!

Today I have been thinking about honoring, as it is Veteran's Day. Whatever your thoughts on war, we can still honor those who made the choice (or someone else made it for them) to serve as soldiers and fight for this country. So, if you are a veteran or soldier, I honor you today.


This got me thinking about how often we honor ourselves and the relationships in our lives. When you reach a goal or do something important to you and your self confidence, do you honor that? When you see others you love make a difference in the world, do you honor them? When you see a country decide that it was time to stand up for itself, do you honor it?


Today, I'd like you to sit for a few minutes and consider the people, institutions, relationships, co-workers, loved ones that you would like to honor. Then ask yourself, what can you do today to give that small show of love and respect that will lift them up and help them continue?


Here is my honor roll today:

• I want to honor veterans and soldiers, present and past, who fought for this or any other country.


• I'd like to honor my daughter for making a choice to not work in a situation that makes her feel icky.


• I'd like to honor my husband for being able to laugh at himself in any situation!


• I'd like to honor my two and a half year old grandson who refuses to let anyone help him with absolutely anything these days. He will do it himself, thank you.


• Just as importantly, I want to honor myself for learning to stand up, to be willing to shine, and to help others learn to do the same.

Who do you want to honor today?

Marquita

Stand Up and Vote

In all the discussion we have been having about self esteem and standing up for yourself, I have to mention the ultimate in walking your talk, and that is by VOTING!

This election year more than any other has reminded me that what I believe counts. How my country behaves in the world and supports its people, is my business. If I want things to be different than I have to be willing to stand up and say YES or NO to what I feel is right.

Whether you are a life long voter or new to the process, I guarantee that you will feel a sense of satisfaction and unity by getting out and casting your vote.

If you think it won't make any difference, you can take a look here in Washington state. Last election our governor was elected by just over 100 votes. In a state with millions of people that is extremely close. If the same number of people had not exercised their right to vote, the outcome would have been different. The same race is just that close again this year.

So, get out and vote. Show yourself that you count by standing up for what you believe. Whatever your political affiliation, whatever your path, stating your case and honoring your choice by voting will help build your self esteem.

Thank You!

Marquita

Trick or Treat!

What you have been reading here, and being asked to do recently, is hard work! The hard work of becoming a person who loves and cares enough about themselves to stand up for what they need, even if that means standing up to their own thoughts.

Last week we talked about throwing a fit and letting go of anger. This week I want to talk about how to be kind to yourself and give yourself a treat for all your hard work. Today is Halloween, and I would like to suggest that today you call a moratorium on walking through fire, on tricking yourself in any way, and instead taking the day to relax and breathe.

This can be as hard for some people, as it is to be overwhelmed with things to do. So start with something you know you can do. That might mean something as simple as relaxing for 10 minutes while you take a break from work. For others, (I know you are out there!) who are good at gifting themselves with self care, go full out. If you are working today, can you take an hour and get a massage, or a manicure, or go for a walk in the park. Can you call some friends and do something relaxing with them tonight. For me, I am such a kid at heart, that I am taking the afternoon off and going to the local pumpkin patch with my grandkids. We will enjoy the corn maze, drink hot apple cider, launch some pumpkins and go for a hay rid. We will undoubtedly laugh a lot, eat something bad for us, and generally act like kids.

So, you have been working hard! The next step is to be willing to recognize that, and give yourself time to breath, and relax. What will you do? What do you deserve? How can you love yourself, by treating you today?

Love,

Marquita

Maybe It's Time to Throw a Fit!

I was talking with another coach and they mentioned that they had just threw a huge tantrum and it was a great way to get rid of unwanted emotions. Often when we are trying to walk through fire the emotion that comes up is not always sadness or grief, it is anger and frustration.

What better way to get past this than to let it out! Now I am not suggesting you immediately throw yourself on the floor and kick and scream (particularly if you are surrounded by co-workers or your family). What I am suggesting is that you have a private tantrum.

One of the ways I like to do this, is to get out paper and pen and just write a letter to whatever or whomever is really @#%$ing me off, and write down everything I would say to them if I could do it without repercussions. I don't send these letters, I often burn them afterward to enhance the walking through fire feeling. If you are more visual than that, a picture of your fit is another way to go. Imagine yourself with a paintbrush and bold colors like red and purple and painting all your emotions onto the paper. This is a glorious way to release!

For me, physical fits can be a great release. I used to have a wood stove in my house, and every weekend I would go out to my wood pile, pick up my splitting mall and chop all my frustrations away. Now I attend a workout class that includes martial arts, and it is amazing how some good punching and kicking can take my anger away. Any form of good physical exercise can be used to relieve anger. If you live near a beach, throwing rocks until you release all those pent up emotions is another good tool.

So my suggestion for this week is to have a tantrum. Pitch a fit. Release your anger about whatever is going through your life right now. Make sure that you don't do this in a way that harms another person or thing, because then you'll just have more things to work through!

I'd love to hear ideas for releasing your emotions that are creative and satisfying. Email me with any you have.

Take care,

Marquita

Fire Building Material

In my last post, I talked about being willing to walk into fire. This week, I want to talk a little more about what you will be using as fuel for this fire.

As we grow and change in our lives we find that there are a lot of twists and turns along the way. We may change our partners, careers, homes, bodies, and many other things as we get to wherever we are today. When we find ourselves making these big changes, especially ones where we feel pain, (think lost relationship here), we don't always wait until we have resolved all of our feelings of pain, or anger, or sadness, before we move on down the road.

What happens then, is that these feelings get buried deep inside us, and we use a variety of ways of not dealing with them. So to be able to walk through fire we need to take these out of their storage place, look at them, and feel them. So here is a simple way to begin finding fuel for your fire.

• Go back through your life and write down anyone you are angry with or sad about, or that you feel you have unfinished business with. These might be your parents, your exes, your bosses, maybe even your children. Just make a list of all these people.


• The next step is to look at each individual situation and write down how you are feeling about it. An example for me would be my ex partner. I left him when I was making a big change in my life and I didn't give him a chance to be a part of that change. Right now I feel sorry that I did that, sad that I wasn't able to be more open at the time, and regretful that he was hurt by my behavior.


• The next step is to sit with those feelings for as long as it takes to feel them. In my case, it doesn't take long, I have done this before and although there is still some sadness, it isn't a big issue today. For some big issues, it may take a while to feel all the feelings. Be willing to devote a small amount of time each day to do this, until you feel them all.


• Once you have done that, you need to ask yourself, "Is there any action I need to take to finish grieving or dealing with this person?" In my case, what I would like to do is talk with my ex partner about this, and let him know that I am sorry for what I did. I have not been able to locate him, and so I can do this symbolically. How do I do that? I can write him a letter and express my amends to him that way. I can then put the letter away, or burn it and then I need to let go of it.


• When there are things that need to be done to finish your grieving or deal with the pain, then do them. Do whatever it is until you feel that you are done with this person. You may not ever totally feel clean about everyone, but this is a good start.


• In her book Steering by Starlight, Martha Beck offers what she calls a simple prayer to end things with. This is when I would use that prayer. It is, "Thanks, I quit." What a great way to let go once you have worked through an issue and came out the other side of the fire!

So, my hope is that you will start that list today. Just write as many people on the list, and stop when you feel you are done for now. Then pick it back up tomorrow, and keep doing this until you have navigated your own personal ring of fire.

Marquita