You may think that because I am a Life Coach, and since one of my specialties is relationship coaching, that I don't go through periods of discontent or wishing my partner would change! I am fessing up right now that this is not true and that I am very capable of falling back into old ideas, and wanting things to be different than they are.
For instance a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling like I was carrying the weight of our relationship on my shoulders. I decided that what I really needed to do was sit my husband down, let him know what I needed, and set him straight. Now being a life coach, I do know that how I am feeling is not about the other person, it is about my thinking. Before moving forward with my plan to get him on board with my ideas for how things should be done, I realized I might want to look at my own thoughts.
My brain was saying things like, "if he would just do more of this," and "if he would just behave more like that........I would be happier." Next I looked at how I was behaving when I believed these thoughts. What I saw was that I was not doing any of the things I wanted my husband to do! And when I was thinking he should be doing more, I was behaving resentfully towards him! I began to wonder what would happen if I behaved the way I wanted him to. So, I did just that. I stopped expecting him to be more loving and helpful, and I began being more loving and helpful towards him. Before I knew it, I was feeling better, and happier in my relationship!
So here's the moral of the story: Before you start telling others how they should behave, consider what it is you want. See if you can give that to yourself, and the other person. Notice how much better you feel!
If my husband only knew how often I didn't have to tell him what to do!
Until next time,
Marquita
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40 comments:
Wow, Marquita, this blog is just what I needed to write right now. As I am packing for my trip tomorrow, my husband and I have been arguing, and your words were like a much needed slap in the face! I do need to list what it is I expect him to do, and do them for myself... with loving and kindness. Boy, those ruts can be deep!
Much love,
Sharon Kelley
Sharon, I am glad that my issues and learning can help you!!
Marquita
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