A Word About Mystery!

What's the next stop the road to having a fantastic relationship? If you've met someone, you are having a good time, and you are doing well at being authentic and setting boundaries, then the next step is be a little mysterious. Again, I want you to be authentic, don't be someone you are not, but I find that to hold a person's attention, it is a good idea not to give all of yourself right up front. Men in particular really like to be the pursuer in a relationship. What I am suggesting is let them!

I know that if you have waited a long time getting ready to be in a relationship, and especially if that biological clock is ticking, it is hard to go slow. Many of you want to have him hog tied, and on the road to marriage and babies withing a short period of time. I think you'll have a better chance of this happening, if you don't lay all your cards on the table. Remember my earlier post about desperation, this may be a good time to reread it, if you are feeling the urge to push the relationship too fast.

I found that if I wasn't always available, and had plenty of interests and pleasures in my life, that I had a certain mystery about me. My future husband kept coming back time after time, because I let him pursue me for quite a while. As we got to know each other more, I slowly let him into other parts of my life. What I tried to do for myself throughout the first year we dated, was to really enjoy myself and be authentic when we were together, and to not be invested in the outcome. By that I mean not concentrating too hard on whether we would end up together for the long haul.

By doing this, I allowed our relationship to unfold in a way that made me feel safe, to trust him, and to really be open and ready for a long term commitment. By not being fully available to him, whether it was about dating or about sex (which by the way can be really hot, if you keep it mysterious for a while), or about getting too involved in each others families, I allowed myself to have the security I needed. By the time I was ready to tell him I loved him, and move into a much more serious phase of our relationship, we had built up a good friendship, as well as a relationship. This may not have happened, or we might have not even stayed together, if I had jumped in with both feet from the beginning.

So my suggestion this week is to allow yourself a little time and mystery in your relationship.

Marquita