Oh My God! I Met Someone!

Okay, so let's say you meet someone, and you are interested in seeing where it will go. What now? First of all you need to really be clear on what you want. Is this person someone who is relationship material? Remember that list you made of the qualities you wanted? Take a look at it, and see if they have what you are looking for. If they have some but not all of the qualities, it might be worth dating them a few times to see where it might lead. If they obviously have qualities that you don't want, and few of the qualities you do want, don't continue seeing them. I can hear you going, "What? I spent all this time looking and now I find someone who I'm attracted to, and you say I should let them go?" Yes, I am saying you should let them go, unless you are capable of having a completely fun, expectation free, relationship with them. Because if you give up what you really want in a relationship to pursue someone who is not right for you, you will end up back here reading my first blog again. Save yourself the heartbreak!

If the person you have met has many of the qualities you want in a relationship, then move ahead and date them. Remember in my post about Internet dating when I talked about setting the tone for your date. Well I want you to continue doing that. Let me explain in a few short sentences what I mean by setting the tone.

1. Take things at a speed that works for you. If you want to go out for coffee, and he wants to take you away for the weekend, go out for coffee. Someone who really likes you will respect your boundaries in dating. If they don't, they may not be right for you.
2. Be open to new possibilities however. Say he wants to take you to the opera, and you would rather go to a Nascar race. Be open to the opera, and suggest a race another time.
3. Take intimacy slowly. I know, again you are going to think I am a prude. I happened to come of age in the 70s, and was a part of that whole do your own thing generation, and have never been pegged as a prude in my life. But what I found is that if I respect myself and take intimacy at a pace that works for me, when we do become intimate, it is much more satisfying.
4. If a person treats you in anyway that is not acceptable to you, you need to let them know that their behavior is not acceptable. If a person is really interested in you, they will be willing to listen, and they will respect your boundaries. If they do not, then let them go.

Alright that is enough to think about for now. I know that these are hard steps to take, so let me sum it up in a few words. Check in with yourself on a regular basis to see how you are feeling, and let the relationship unfold in a way that feels good to you.

Marquita