Monday, November 26, 2007

Love Lessons


I apologize for missing my post last week, I was lost in a stupor of turkey and family and pumpkin pie! I have now returned to share my wisdom (or is that insanity!) with you again.
After writing the last post I realized that it is important to talk about the long and winding road that got me here, and the men I met along the way. What I hope that you take from this posting is that whether a relationship lasts a week or a lifetime, there are things that can be learned from each one. When I take the time to look back on the route that brought me to where I am today, and the man I married in the Little Church of the West Wedding Chapel, I find that each relationship brought with it lessons that got me here.
Some of these people were husbands, and some of them were long term relationships, and I am not going to name them or give incriminating details, those I save for my closest friends!
My first love was an Imago love, I met him and for a long time never wanted anyone else. I was instantly attracted and in love with him. He was smart and crazy. He could be the nicest man in the world and in the next go into insane rages. From him I learned that you cannot stay with someone when you keep imagining them dead. The biggest lesson I learned from him was that violence is never okay in a relationship. I made a decision when we split that I would never be treated with violence again, and I haven't been.
My second love was sweet and funny and sexy. He was not gainfully employed, and after we had been together a while I found out that he had never gotten divorced from his wife. He was a lot of fun for a while, but what I learned from him was that monogamy was important to me. I don't like to share, when it comes to men!
The next man taught me that you can get into your thirties and still have the job you dreamed of having as a youth. He lived life with gusto, and was extremely generous. During this relationship, I took a look at my life and decided that I didn't want to use alcohol or other substances to alter my moods anymore. Unfortunately, he did not want to give up his six pack or his bag of weed, and we parted ways. I learned that I didn't want active addictions in my life any more.
The next man was a mistake! He was another one of those Imago boys! I fell hard and fast, he swept me off my feet, and I thought this was it. Unfortunately, shortly after we merged households, he decided he didn't like where we lived (he picked it out!), he didn't like my daughter, he didn't like my dog, and he didn't like his job. We didn't last long, and in this relationship, I learned to never go for that instant love at first site stuff again. I also learned that emotional abuse is never okay.
My next relationship was the closest I have ever come to a soul mate. I knew this guy through and through. He was Native American, and a Vietnam Vet, and he turned me on just to look at him walk away in his Levis and Cowboy Boots! However, after a couple of years this little gambling addiction he had reared its ugly head. I went to counseling and stuck it out as long as I could, and in the end I learned that sometimes you love someone so much you need to let them go. This lesson was the hardest yet, and led me to staying single long enough to learn to love myself first.
Today, I am married to a man who is there for me in every way. I know that he would not even think about abusing me, emotionally or physically. I know that he wouldn't cheat on me. He is strong, and really funny, and is a wonderful friend. He traveled his own path with women and along the way learned a lot of the same things I did, and I am going to do my best to be as good to him as he is to me for a very long time!
The moral of the story is don't give up, don't stop learning, and don't stop believing that you will find the right love eventually.
Marquita

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