Mars Vs Venus

I know, this is a picture of Jupiter, but I like the look of it! The reason for the topic today, is that if you are going to love men, you have to like them for who they are, and understand that they are very different from us. I am sure most of you just read that statement and went "Are you nuts, they are really from Mars, how am I supposed to understand them?" It is true that we probably won't ever totally understand men, any more than they will truly understand us. That isn't what I am hoping to educate you on in this posting. What I am hoping to do is to help you see that by men being wired different than women, we can learn to love and enjoy the differences.

Let me tell you a little about my husband. He is what I call a "hunter-gatherer" to the core. He gets great pleasure out of going fishing, crabbing, clamming, picking wild blackberries, growing tomatoes, anything that will provide food for our table that doesn't have to be bought at a store. Now sometimes the cost of going fishing, etc. can be very expensive. When you consider gas prices for the truck and boat, fishing licenses, bait, equipment, and all the trip entails, a ten pound salmon can cost a lot. This doesn't matter, as the act of fishing and bringing it home and cleaning and cooking it give him so much pleasure, it is worth it to him. And, I am not complaining. I enjoy some of these activities as much as he does, what I lack is the drive to do them every chance I get.

The other thing that really makes my husband happy is (no it's not sex, although that ranks up there too!) is having his "cave". At our house, this looks a lot like a garage. When I get up and start working indoors, my husband heads for the garage. He can spend hours doing all kinds of things out there! I once tried to give advice to a woman who had just bought a new home with her husband and kids, and he wanted to turn the garage into a music studio. I said something like, "sounds good, that way he will have a space of his own." Her reply was, "are you kidding, I don't want him to have a space of his own, I want him in the house helping me with the kids." When I tried to show that men need their "cave", she made it clear that was not going to happen in her house. I'm still worried about that situation today!

Now, don't get me wrong. I have spent a lot of time suggesting you love yourself first, and I have not changed my opinion on that. If you need a room of your own, and space to be who you are, you should definitely have that! What I am suggesting by noting some of the things that men need or find important is that one of the best ways to love someone is to respect and honor and enjoy their choices and needs. I love the things that make my husband a guy. I don't want him to be a man who feels and acts just like me. Think back on the men you know that are happy in their lives and relationships, and think about why they are happy.

The other thing that helps is to be able to acknowledge with each other the differences and even talk and laugh about them. My husband and I both joke about our differences and realize that we are not ever going to think alike about many things. What we don't do is try really hard to change each other, and we work hard at loving what is.

Marquita