I Am NOT a Victim!

One of the issues I had in learning to be different in my relationships was the story I was telling. We all have stories we tell about our lives, and sometimes we are the hero or heroine in the story, sometimes we are the clown, and sometimes we are the victim.

In my stories about my relationships, I was usually the victim. They would go something like this: Girl meets boy, girl falls for boy, boy misbehaves (and this might be by being abusive, having an addiction, being unfaithful, or any combination), and then girl finally gets fed up and leaves. In each story, I was cast as the good intentioned one who just happened to find people who would need fixing in some way. What I didn't realize until I began doing work in a twelve step program which suggested I take a thorough inventory of myself, was that in each and every relationship I had been in, I had at least some of the responsibility for how it turned out. When I did this work, I was no longer able to see myself as a victim. What an eye opener!! My whole world began to change as I realized that "I" was responsible for how my relationships turned out. After this, my stories began to change, and although I still occasionally begin to cast myself as a victim, I usually end up the heroine, or else I laugh at myself and I become the clown.

Recently, while reading a daily meditation book the Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie, I came across an entry about this very thing, and it included a formal waiver of responsibility. I am going to share it with you here, because it is very powerful.

WAIVER

I understand that during the course of my life I will be required to make many decisions, such as where I want to live, whom I want to live with, where I work, how much fun I have, and how I spend my money and time, including how much time I spend waiting for things to get better and people to change, and whom I choose to love.

I understand that many events that occur will be out of my hands and that there are inherent dangers and risks in all decisions I make. Life and people have no obligation whatsoever to live up to my expectations; I have no obligation to live up to the expectations of anybody else. Life is a high-risk sport, and I may become injured along the way.

I agree that all decisions I make are mine and mine alone, including how I choose to handle the events that are beyond my control. I hereby forfeit my right to recourse as a victim, including my rights to blame, complain, and whine or hold someone else responsible for the path I choose to take. I am responsible for my participation-or lack of it-in life. And I take complete responsibility for the outcomes and consequences of all the decisions I make, understanding that ultimately it is my choice whether I become happy, joyous, and free or stay miserable and trapped.

Although people may voluntarily nurture and love me, I and I alone am responsible for taking care of and loving myself.

Signed:______________________

Dated:______________________

I love this, I have my signed copy! What stories are you telling today? Where do you want to take responsibility?

Marquita