Available, Authentic, and Open

Now that you are ready to get out there, what next? Most of us, myself included still bought into the Cinderella idea that somehow the universe would provide me with the right mate. Unfortunately, the universe is often busy with other things, and might forget to look my way. The next step to finding someone is being truly open, authentic, and available. This is harder than it seems. Most of us have spent a long time building lives that we are proud of, and we work hard to maintain them. This can mean long work days, many projects and activities in our time off, and not a lot of time left for relationship hunting.

When I first entered the dating field again, I thought I was totally ready and available. However, I had a busy job, was getting my Master's degree, had several busy pass times, as well as a family I was close to. This didn't leave a lot of time and energy for relationships, or even dating for that matter. My life was great, and very full, but I still wanted more. So what I did was get a little help from my friends. You know how your friends are always wanting to set you up with their crazy brother Randolph, or their favorite cousin Duke? Well in the past, I shied away from set ups, I didn't do blind dates, and I thought the Internet was for losers.

Well, I was wrong. When you have limited time, and don't necessarily want to look in bars, friends and relatives are a good place to begin. Let them know that you are ready to join the dating scene, and see if they have any single friends that might work for you. I still don't like blind dates, but small parties and get togethers with friends is a great place to meet other single people. I met and dated a couple of people this way, and although we didn't hook up, it was a place to start.

Another area that is often overlooked is social clubs, or sports clubs, classes etc. I would suggest if you have a hobby or sport you love, that you look around and see if there are any regular clubs, or sports teams to check out. I played softball, so in my not so spare time, I joined a co-ed softball league. It was allot of fun and I met some great people. If you've always wanted to learn to ballroom dance, there are many local places to learn, and you don't usually need a partner. One of my best friends has been married for 10 years to the man she met and partnered with, while she was learning to swing dance.

I am wondering if some of you at this point are going, "I don't want to do any of those things." I would ask myself, am I truly ready and available for a relationship? When I first started this process I thought I was a lot more ready than I was. The reality was that I was still not completely open to a relationship. This was due to a fear of opening myself up to being hurt again. What I would suggest is to go back and read the last post. Don't do more than you are ready for. Be open to the idea of dating, and see what happens. Along the way you may meet someone who is safe enough to open up with. One trick I used was to practice openness, by asking the universe (or any higher power you believe in) to put someone in front of me if that was their plan. Otherwise, I would go about my business enjoying life, until the universe did just that. And it did, via the Internet, which we will get to in my next post.

If you keep trying, and keep finding you are not ready, then you may need to go back a few steps, and work more on loving yourself, and making sure you know what you want in a relationship.

Until next time,

Marquita