The Web of Love

Last post I talked about meeting my husband on the Internet. Considering my earlier statements about the Internet not being a good dating ground I am a little embarrassed. But you have to realize it was an accident!!

To begin with, I originally saw the Internet as being a fun place to meet men. I could have some very interesting and exciting discussions with people, and not have to follow through unless I felt like it. I joined a couple of online dating sites and checked out men in my area. I talked to a few, but they seemed to want to jump too fast into intimate details about me and my life. I was cautious, as I still believe everyone should be about opening up about personal details. When I did meet someone, who lived in my small rural area, we talked for quite a while getting to know each other. I found this very exciting (actually I now realize my inner Cinderella was still fantasizing about happily ever after!), and enjoyed the ability to get to know someone without the physical constraints of actually meeting. It was apparent from the way he wrote back that he was feeling the same way. This went on for several months, and then we decided to meet. We met and frankly our meeting was a big dud. All those expectations we had built up by talking so long fell flat when we actually met in person and had no chemistry whatsoever.

In talking with a good friend who had a much longer history of Internet dating, she told me that she had met over a hundred men and was still looking for mister right. I don't know about you, but I didn't want to go through that torture at all. Five years later, this same woman is getting ready to go to Morocco to meet a man she has been talking with for two years. Then one of the women I worked with met someone on the net, promptly left her husband, and had the guy move in with her on the night that they actually met in person!! I decided after a few more months of lackluster discussions that the Internet wasn't for me. I would wait until I met someone in person and we could judge all areas of chemistry, and I stopped looking on the net.

What happened was that I met a guy in person who I thought was really interesting, and we started the getting to know each other. Then one day I got an email from one of the old match sites, that said someone had written to me. I checked it out and the guy said that he thought we had a lot in common. I looked over the profile, and not only did he live close to me, but he liked to play golf and do outdoorsy things. We began talking by email, and so I had two men that I was interested in at the same time.

As I was getting to know my Internet fellow, I decided to follow certain rules in Internet dating. For any of you who are currently using the Internet or want to start, I would suggest the following:

1. Be honest about who you are on your profile, and provide a good picture of how you look on an everyday basis, not one of those mall fashion shoot pictures. People who are attracted to the real you, will be more suited to you.
2. Don't give away any personal information, such as full name (I used a pseudonym to start), address, telephone number, or work place, until you are sure that you would want to actually date the other person. I would suggest a first name, and a phone number after you are interested, and are considering meeting. I wouldn't give out your address or work place until after you have met, and feel safe.
3. If you are interested, and he is writing regularly, consider meeting. I found that I couldn't really gage chemistry or what a person was truly like without meeting them. If you wait too long it is easy to build up an unrealistic attachment, on your part or his, and you will be disappointed.
4. Meet only in a public place for coffee or a light meal such as lunch. Make him come to you, and to a place you are familiar with. Never go to another town, state, country, planet, etc. to meet someone. If they are into you, they will meet you on your turf. Drive your own car and meet them at the restaurant. You set the tone of how you want the date to go. If at any time you feel uncomfortable, excuse yourself and leave. A good trick is to have a friend call you about half way through the meal at a predetermined time, and you can use them to excuse yourself if you have to.
5. Again keep the meeting on your terms. Whether or not you shake hands or hug or don't touch at all is up to you. When lunch is over if you had a great time suggest another meeting in a public place. I know some of you are going, "Wow, this woman is such a prude!" Believe me, I'm not. If you learn early in a dating relationship of any kind to set good clear boundaries for yourself, the relationship has a better chance of progressing.

But that is another post down the road. I'll talk to you next time.

Marquita